Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
