Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
