I cut my penus on the lid.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
