she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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