Is it normal to miss your booty call?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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