He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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