Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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