Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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