Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
