That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
