What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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