new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
