FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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