Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
