ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
