I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
