so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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