Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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