I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
