my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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