Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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