I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
