dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
