I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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