I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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