I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
