The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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