I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Randomize
