Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
