the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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