My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
