Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
