Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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