if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
