Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
