I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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