My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
