Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
