I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
