Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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