gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
