she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
