How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
