There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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