Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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