Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
