Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
