Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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