he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I deserve this hangover.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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