I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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