at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
