using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
