did you get engaged???
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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